The Day that Grammar Died

Through the swinging doors

Of the Literacy Lounge

Walked Grammar

With his guns hanging down

He stepped up to the bar

Said, "I'm looking for some information

On the woman I love

Her name is Punctuation

She was kidnapped by a gang of illiterates

Just the other day

I'm hot on their trail,

And here to make them pay."

 

"Did you read the sign on the door

Before you walked in?" 

Said the girl behind the bar

Red hair, tall, and thin

She said, "My name's Sarcasm

And we don't serve illiterates here

But I can help you find her."

As she poured him a beer

 

She talked over the band

As Onomatopoeia thumped the bass

And said, "The bar belongs to Symbolism 

And it once was a nice place

Then the illiterates moved in

And put all the patrons out of work

And that's how we got to where we are now"

As she rolled her eyes with a smirk

 

There were bottles of prose and poetry

Collecting dust on the shelf

Soliloquy was in the corner

Just talking to himself

Alliteration, always alone

Sat staring at her phone

Simile was drunk as a skunk

Trying to take her home

 

Sorrow sipped her gin and

Puffed on a smoke

Hand in hand with Humor

As he cracked a dirty joke

Allusion kept quoting movies

That no one seemed to know

Grammar had seen enough and

Knew it was time to go

 

Sarcasm mentioned a bar

On the wrong side of town

Where Grammar just might find

The illiterates hanging around

Foreshadowing was nearby

With his far away stare

And he warned Grammar to stay

Far away from there

But passion is irrational and

Pride doesn't back down

So Grammar tipped his hat

And headed across town

 

refrain

Put another feather in Allegory's hat

Idiom said indifference was the one who killed the cat.

A metaphor without merit

So it seems

Because in the end, no one knows what it means

In the end, no one knows what it means

 

The structure was in shambles

At the Syntax Saloon

And Grammar was disgusted

As he entered the room

There were syringes of pop culture

Facebook posts in a bong

And people snorting lines

140 characters long

 

Grammar whipped out his pistol

And fired off a round

The whole bar stopped

At the shattering sound

The villain Vernacular

Appeared at the top of the stairs

Pulling Punctuation behind him

By her long parenthesis hair

She was tattered and torn

Shame etched in her face

From constantly being misused

And being misplaced

 

Grammar was full of fire and fury

At the frightful sight

And against better judgment

Challenged Vernacular to a fight

"A duel in the street

May the best man win."

Said Vernacular

Through a sly, sinister grin

You see, Grammar was predictable

Always following his rules, 

He played right into the trap

Outnumbered 1 to 100 fools

 

Eyes locked and hammers cocked

Vernacular spit onto the ground

You could cut the tension with a knife

As the illiterates gathered around

Grammar gave a passionate speech

In an act of despair

Pleading for Punctuation

But no one seemed to care

 

Vernacular hollered and cursed 

Ineloquently profane

The illiterates whooped and cheered

Much to Grammar's disdain

The ruckus they raised

Turned into a deafening roar

And out on the horizon

A cloud of dust began to form

 

He belittled Punctuation

And her pretentious partner

As the ground began to shake

And the sky grew darker

A stampede of run-on sentences 

He'd summoned to the street

And before Grammar knew it

He was trampled beneath their feet.

 

Put another feather in Allegory's hat

Idiom said indifference was the one who killed the cat.

A metaphor without merit

So it seems

Because in the end, no one knows what it means

In the end, no one knows what it means